Deep sleep in a dream world.
This is only a dream.
Part I
Did I dream of you last night or reinvent a past? I don’t know. Maybe a little bit of both. In the dream: We. Reunited. On a boat. Canoe? Travelling through crystal waters and a beautiful river surrounded by columns and canyons. This was our fairytale life from ancient ages. Pink streaks and majestic purple dashed the heaven-like sky. We were so in love, and so happy together, the two of us on an adventure, the journey of our lives. Safe and whole. Side by side. Life - complete.
Part II
Modern times. My room, My bed, My ache.
We are sad. Lying in bed. I see the TV and clock radio. Hear the buzz of electrical appliances. We are silent. Light from early morning creeps in. It is icy blue. I embrace you although it is hard to do. Wrapping and entwining myself, my leg crosses yours. I hold on, but all you can do is let go.
The pain of separation hurts. Again. It feels too familiar. Have we done this before? And why do we do it again? You are no longer next to me.
Part III
Wartime. We're standing outside a church. Bombs have fallen.
Faced with an unhappy parting, we exchange harsh words even harsher goodbyes.
After the air raid stops, I go back to the forest, to the trees outside the church to look for you. But you are gone. Mounds of dirt are piled up everywhere. Only later, do I realize what they mean. Are you still alive? I’m so so sorry for the way we parted. For the things we said and the pain we’ve caused. I started to cry and buried my face deep into the damp ground.
Somewhere in the ocean...
On a submarine, I feel you there. I search and look around. Your presence is near. Or is it just a reminder of you? I misplaced something (or someone?) and started to look. I turn around, and see someone else. My future husband-to-be holding my purse. He’s a kind gentle person. He wants to make us work. I forced myself to move on and give up (you).
Clutching my purse close to my chest.
Never have I forgotten how much passion we shared. Out of all of our lifetimes combined, I feel the loss of you greater each time.
Monday Morning, October 2005-10-24
7:30 am. My alarm clock rings.
A song by John Lennon plays on the radio.
40 comments:
Out of all of our lifetimes combined, I feel the loss of you greater each time
I think I just wept without blinking. Don't ever blink, Stella. This was so poetic and beautiful in its sadness, like the most fragrant breath you have ever taken, but knowing you must always exhale and it will soon be gone ....
Stunning. I have no words.
so the seperation had your contribution
why regret
it must have hurt the other side too, it jus did'nt show
explore...
Wonderful, you are such a babe. I would hold your purse for you.
What a powerful post. I goes every which way and makes me wonder. Nice job.
Beautifully sad. Your words pull us in.
a lennon song ended this. how wonderfully poetic.
grief, somethings aren't meant to ever heal completely:(.
this spoke to my heart!!!
A tasty morsel, Stella. Like a perfect pastry shell- feathery light, with a thousand gossamer layers.
lovely... i think you should really think of submitting it somewhere
I used to dream, dream and dream... dream about her or maybe her or her. Sad and happy, real and surreal dreams I dreamed, nights I was passing by. I was flying, I was walking, running, swimming to her or maybe her. In the forest, on a desert, in a city-rush in a village-calm, almost felt the dreaming.
Funny thing we say that in the spring nature wakes up.
So it must be spring in my dreaming I guess.
Oh we are in sync with the deep sad melancholy of our dreams, Stella.
These deep and achingly real dreams (where a true love comes back to haunt our heart) are why poetry and songs are created. There is nowhere else to go with such titanic emotions.
I am moved to my core with this. It makes me want to hold you.
How many times have I felt the exact same pain and have been at a loss to cup it in words!
You have a wonderful gift and I am moved...
this was beautiful poetic prose stella. i love the romance. the idea of the lifetimes shared with one love. it is so real and honest.
i enjoyed reading your dreams :)
3 distinctive parts.... each with their own feel and all together one... beautiful piece, Stella
Which song?
Awesome, that was great.
Jaxe: Thank you for not blinking. Not once... :)
H.M. Hussy: You said enough doll!
Just a Human: That's an excellent point you made that I really ought to factor in as well. Thanks for the insight.
Dlak: And I'd hold your hand, while you held my purse. You're such a sweetheart. :)
Complimenting Commenter: Thanks for wondering with me too.
.:a.: 'beautifully sad' a phrase I love hearing...
Trans: Lennon was just right for the ending. I'm glad you noticed it.
Rhein: And some grief adds depth to our lives and/or dreams for that matter too. Thanks for your words, I find them comforting! :)
Gulnaz: You have such a beautiful heart, I'm happy it speaks to yours.
Grumblefish: You make me smile always :)
Jane: Thanks for the inspiration. I'm waiting for the day your collection of writings come out. :)
Kurt M: That was a beautiful post you wrote. Such things are what dreams are made of - an eternal spring.
Finnegan: We are very in sync with our dreams. I'm still amazed. Thank you for the offer, may take you up on it. :)
Pincushion: I'm so glad it speaks to you as it did for me. I love it when words can connect with others. Thanks for visiting!
Lorena: You me both belong in the same club!
Tomas: Hi! I've missed you! Hope the home is taking you in alright. ;)
Cy: 'Woman'
The Humanity Critic: Thank You. Nice blog btw.
I have made you a link banner at my site. Let me know if you like it or not. I can make another.
You are right below FISH (Cocaine Jesus).
I could think of a thousand things to do while you hold my hand, none would be as romantic as holding your purse. :)
I am speechless at the moment.
I think I needed to read this right now.
can't the passion ever last?
maybe not, but then what would be so special about it?
i miss you.
"He wants to make us work. I forced myself to move on..."
A critical mass in the difference between "forced myself" and "chose"; as if marking the beginning of a counterforce.
such tender moments in such unlikely of places, submarine, warzone...dreams are indeed strange...wrapped in melancholy and sadness...
vivid and poignant.
the dream an actual
incident in itself.
about water everywhere.
grippingly beautiful
miss you stella. hope all is ok with you.
Finnegan>> Your banner inspired a falling star... ;)
Dlak>> You can hold my hand anytime now ;)
DeeM>> Timing is everything. Funny how our words find each other at the right moment!
Rayray>> That kind of passion lasts forever, even if in memory only. I'm sure you know about that! ;)
Transcience>> Miss you too, dear! I'm back now from holiday. Thanks to both you and Finnegan for thinking of me and sending sweet thoughts. *Hugs*!
Timeintotime>> Yes, agreed that it's in the small nuances that marks the major changes... good catch in noticing 'force' as opposed to 'chose'. A key turning point, I think, in an active surrender kind.
Anil>> We don't pick the places, but maybe our resposes as situations unfold. dreams are strange indeed!
Monster Spank>> Thanks for acknowledging that dreams are an actual incident in themselves. It feels that way sometimes.
Brood Mode>> Thank you for such a nice, and appreciated response!
Finnegan>> Now I miss you even more. Thanks for the concern. I was on a short holiday, but am back! ((Hugs)) :)
Stella,
Wake up! That's all I can wish for you.
If you want to realize your dreams the only way is - "WAKE UP".
Interesting stream of consciousness piece.
Also, since you are a New Yorker, it is obligatory that you stop by my site and check out my latest piece. Did I get it right?
xoxoxo
Yes, so true, right? ;)
Hi Stella, hope all is well with you! :-) Miss ya!
only in our dreams can we realise true love.
a dream to blog?
and ending with lennon was masterful.
(can girls be masterful? sure they can)
stella,
it has been too long... miss you
(Marlon Brando Voice): Stella! Stella!
Ummmm.... Hope you have a great thanksgiving.
The undercurrent is obvious. The golden age is behind us. The past is glorious. And the modern life is one angst ridden existence. However, this doesn't dull the prose. Lovely vignettes! :-)
Cheers
So sad and beautiful. This is like the reoccuring nightmare of the lover you can never look back at because you always want to protect them and preserve them. It reminds me of Orpheus and Eurydice. You can't see the person who put you through so much pleasure and pain, but you sense them with you everywhere you go.
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